Lottery Winner Shocks World, Quits Job

LANSING, Mich.- David Sneath, A Ford Motor Co. worker shocked the world yesterday when he quit his job after winning the lottery. "He has been working here for ever," Mitch Fritzcek a younger co-worker said, "I don't know what we are going to do without him".

"Shocked, yeah that is the best way to describe it," said Dave Zmorgen, his long time manager, "When he won the lottery we were all excited, hootin and hollerin, but then he dropped the bomb".

David's manager went on to say they would piece together coverage of his shift until a replacement can be hired. "We're all going to have to pitch in to replace David, that's the cold hard truth".

Sneath continued to "think outside of the box" with his plans to give some money to his friends and buy some stuff for himself.

Carol Sneath, David's wife of 24 years is a little concerned. "It has just been a crazy roller coaster. Winning money is great, but I'm ready for the madness to stop."

I spoke with several Psychiatric and Economic experts to see what their thoughts were on this outragous behavior. They were split on whether "the madness" will stop, but agreed the man would burn through the cash in 5-7 years and almost certainly divorce her. Other predictions from our round table included, "Continued, escalated gambling", "Drug problems" and "trail of dead hookers".

The Associated Press provided content for this story



I watch CNN all day at work and read Yahoo News headlines on my way to my fantasy sports' leagues. They drive me insane with there constant, vapid, and poorly done stories. It is a bit Onion-ey, but still carthartic. Look for "Yahoo! News - Teeb's! Take" to possibly become a recurring bit, as well as an as to be named music segmant and a long overdue site make over. Exiting? Yes. Hold your breath? Probably not.