I needed to share this while it is still on my mind. I was talking with an employee of mine who had just turned 18 and went to a strip club. We were talking about the dollar bills and whatever and then I was hit by a thunderbolt of an idea. This has probably been thought of before, even by someone I know, but I don't recall.
The idea is to put magnetic strips on the inside of each ass cheek and breast and hook up some sort of wireless internet connection. That way, instead of dollars and using the ridiculous ATM's at these places, they can just swipe her ass with their card. It invites more audience participation, and guys may be apt to spend more money. I'm not a huge fan of the nudie bars, but I would like to swipe my Visa down some stripper's sweaty ass and punch in $0.70 on the keypad at my seat after she gives me the standard V. Could we make this happen? Could I get some volunteers for research and development?
The idea is to put magnetic strips on the inside of each ass cheek and breast and hook up some sort of wireless internet connection. That way, instead of dollars and using the ridiculous ATM's at these places, they can just swipe her ass with their card. It invites more audience participation, and guys may be apt to spend more money. I'm not a huge fan of the nudie bars, but I would like to swipe my Visa down some stripper's sweaty ass and punch in $0.70 on the keypad at my seat after she gives me the standard V. Could we make this happen? Could I get some volunteers for research and development?
posted by f theb at 9:20 AM
2 Comments:
Let me run with this for a second:
The gentlemans club of the future - the Kandy Kane - co-owners N. Dircks - COO and Executive VP of International Strategic Supply Chain Mgmt - A. Jarombek - COO and Chief Legal Counsel.
Rather than subject our entertainers to an invasive procedure implanting a magnetic chip (already enough scars from C-sections and boob jobs - don't change girl) we can do this a different way.
At each seat on the tip rail - the key pad that Dirks refers to will be built into the counter. At the time of seating - the customer will run their card - and the box will keep a running total. On the other side of the counter - the side facing the stage - each seat will have a display screen. This will display the amount of tip entered by the customer. In the event of Dirks' 70 cent tip - the dancer will simply ignore (these are hard working girls, many of whom are no doubt using the money for graduate school) the customer and proceed to the next seat.
If the dancer stops by - for tips in the $1 plus range - the interaction will occur as such: The dancer will do her (or for Tom, his) thing - and then have to approach the customer in the usual happy guys on the face manner to press an 'accept' button on the keypad to charge the account and clear the display - readying the seat for the next tip. The option to add a tip to surrounding seats will also be available.
At the end of the sitting - the customer will choose the log out function - (wow - we could even incorporate NTN on these keypad/monitors and have log in IDs, keep email addresses and other patron contact info for marketing, allow for emailing and web surfing, etc.) After logging out - they accept the payment amount and sign for authentication.
Additional features:
For those whe desire a lap dance - you can simply press the lap dance button and an overhead light will come on. Any available dancer will come over to see if she fits the bill. If not - it makes things even funnier because you can't use the "i'm not interested right now" excuse anymore - instead it will be the "I'm interested - but not in you". In this way we will monitor dancer stats and performance metrics to make sure that our low performers don't continue to have the opportunity to work - thus driving up our employer paid benefits costs.
For the Dbags who only sit at a table - and the Dbags who lean the chair agains the rail to save the seat - this will now require an hourly fee. The patron will insert the charge card into the table, tip rail - and once they abandon the seat - they can have it back minus the charge prorated for the portion of the hour they occupied it. At this point the chair/table is fair game. The revenue from this fee based service will be divided evenly amongst the co-owners and the IRS to cover overhead, capital depreciation, and tax liability/licensing.
On the displays - pop up adds will ask patrons if they would like to:
Buy the lady a drink
Buy the lady a snack
Visit the VIP lounge
Purchase a bottle of Champaigne
See a list of "additional services" offered (I'll assume Boland will still be looking for work - get some kneepads)
Order a drink
Call a taxi
Leave your name, number, online banking password for an entertainer.
We need to start developing a business plan for this - so if anyone else has ideas for this super gentleman's club for the tech savvy - now is the time to weigh in. For legal reasons - we may need to take on a silent partner to secure a liquor license. Dirks is responsible for the rental and renovation of the space next to the Washington Square. I'd like to see work plans outlining the next 3 months from everybody by next Wednesday.
Actually, they already have this covered with the ATM charges, the charge shows up as AAA Inc or some generic name. VIP customers can request itemized statements. In fact we could offer lines of credit. You could purchase a card (think gift card) for those that want to use cash/don't want weird charges on their statements or are worried about privacy. Getting back to the credit we could let people open lines of credit and FUCKING CHARGE THEM INTEREST ON PUSSY. Seriously, that is pimp shit.
It really wouldn't be that hard at all to set up a card system even at an existing club. In fact, why not just create a company that goes around and digitizes the clubs.
A note about the hourly rates- This could elimate the stupid cover charges. The whole club could have different priced areas. At the rail your spending x an hour, move to the back bar and it is x/2 or whatever. It is pretty ridiculous that the grease ball at the tip rail paid the same cover as the kid playing pool in the other room. Being the stellar business minds that we are we would know that once in the premises they might catch a "whiff" and venture into the higher priced areas.
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