Maybe I'm the odd one - but I would have changed my name after the horse incident...




1115BC-DEERASSAULT06
Last update: November 15, 2006 – 4:21 PM

Deer assault case presents unusual issues
Duluth News Tribune

DULUTH -- Prosecution of a case involving alleged sexual contact with a dead deer may hinge on the legal definition of the word "animal.''
Bryan James Hathaway, 20, of Superior, Wis., faces a misdemeanor charge of sexual gratification with an animal. He is accused of having sex with a dead deer he saw beside a road on Oct. 11.

A motion filed last week by his attorney, public defender Fredric Anderson, argued that since the deer was dead, it was not considered an animal and the charge should be dismissed.

"The statute does not prohibit one from having sex with a carcass,'' Anderson wrote.

Judge Michael Lucci heard the motion Tuesday.

"I'm a little surprised this issue hasn't been tackled before in another case,'' Lucci said.

The Webster's dictionary defines "animal'' as "any of a kingdom of living beings,'' Anderson said.

If you include carcasses in that definition, he said, "you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results.''

Anderson argued: When does a turkey cease to be an animal? When it is dead?

When it is wrapped in plastic packaging in the freezer? When it is served, fully cooked?

A judge should decide what the Legislature intended "animal'' to mean in the statute, he said. "And the only clear point to draw the line in that definition, I believe, is the point of death.''

Assistant District Attorney James Boughner said the court can use a dictionary to determine the meaning of the word, but it doesn't have to.

"The common and ordinary meaning of a word can be found in how people actually use the word,'' Boughner wrote in his response to the motion.

When a person's pet dog dies, he told Lucci, the person still refers to the dog as his or her dog, not a carcass.

"It stays a dog for some time,'' Boughner said.

He referred to the criminal complaint, in which Hathaway told police he saw the dead deer in the ditch and moved it into the woods. Hathaway called it a dead deer, Boughner said, not a carcass.

"It did not lose its essence as a deer, an animal, when it died,'' he said.

Anderson argued that the statute, which falls under the heading "crimes against sexual morality,'' was meant to protect animals. That would be unnecessary in the case of a dead animal.

"If you look at the other crimes that are in this subsection, they all protect against something other than simply things we don't like or things we find disgusting,'' he said.

Other crimes in that subsection include incest, bigamy, public fornication and lewd and lascivious behavior.

Boughner said the focus of the statute was on punishing the human behavior, not protecting animals.

"It does not seem to draw a line between the living and the dead,'' he said.

Interpreting the statute to exclude dead animals would also exclude freshly killed animals, Boughner said. That, he said, could lead to people who commit such acts with animals to kill them.

Lucci said he would render a decision by Hathaway's next court appearance on Dec. 1.

The misdemeanor charge carries a maximum penalty of nine months in jail and a fine of up to $10,000. If convicted, Hathaway could serve a prison term of up to two years because of a previous conviction. In April 2005, Hathaway pleaded no contest to one felony charge of mistreatment of an animal for the shooting death of Bambrick, a 26-year-old horse, to have sex with the animal.



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Here is some funny. This applies to the University of Georgia and Georgia Tech, but I'm picturing the U of M and Wisconsin.

Har Har

My boss is busy today worrying/being excited about the Dems gains in the midterm elections. Too bad 7 states approved constitutional ammendments banning same sex marriage (My boss is homosexual). The Onion sums it up best.

Drivl does a good job going after myspace. This is the post I would do if sepnt more then a minute on my posts.

This isn't really that funny - except for the name of the restaraunt. I think Dircks should rethink his choice of the Kandy Kane for his tit bar....

Speaking of throwing money around... A Celebration of Non-penetration: $50M government abstinence education program! Awesome. I'm a huge fan of calling abstinence birth control. "Abstinence is the only method of birth contorl 100% effective against unwanted pregnancy and STD's" It is a lifestyle, not a device you fucking morons. That's like saying the best way to avoid making crappy sandwiches is to blow up balloons. Thanks Emeril...well I'm not the best writer, but you know what I mean.

RAPID FIRE!

Kanye is crazy.

Borat is funny.

Evgeni is sick.

I was gonna put some more but now we are playing cards here at work. Plus who is gonna look at this over the weekend?

So, you are a beyond wealthy Russian oil magnate with a borderline obsession with American comedy, mostly of the sketch variety. You are spectacularly wealthy, and as such want to set out to create the "perfect" sketch comedy series for you to enjoy again and again. Only the best will do, no corners will be cut, no expense spared. After meeting with HBO they agree to air it, but with the following stipulations:

1. The on-air cast may number no more than 14.

2. There must be at least 1 woman, and 1 "minority" (non-caucasian) due to advertisers' wishes.

Other than those wishes, everything else is up to you. Who do you have as the cast? Where do you set up shop? Who are your musical acts? How about writers??

For me, I think that I would shoot it in New York for no good reason other than that I'd rather have it there than L.A. Maybe Vegas though??

The meat of the question is the cast. The lifeblood of the show, a good cast can be the difference between a mildly funny show and the greatest comedic show of all time. Obviously, much time and effort would have to be put into putting together a wide-ranging cast with multiple talents and minimal ego. I'll try to do it in the next 10 minutes.

1. Although I find him to be slipping a little bit, first choice for this kind of project would be Will Ferrell. He's just too good at too many things to leave out. He would be even better without the limitations of network TV.

2. Next up would be Dave Chappelle, assuming he's sane and can produce the type of quality he did on his show. The rule of one minority has been taken care of, although I'd be a fool not to pick more.

3. First female chosen would be Sarah Silverman, because the show is on HBO and she's really funny, but also very dirty.

4. For zany big-guy antics, Jack Black would be the next guy chosen. Throw in the musical bit with Tenacious D and he fits perfectly.

5. For political/news type things, Steven Colbert would fit in nicely, although I think I'll go with Jon Stewart as a better choice because I think he has a bit more range.

6. Although I'd like to include Will Arnett, he can't always be Gob, so I'll go with David Cross from Arrested Development instead due to his work on Mr. Show.

7. For an experienced, older, wiser female role I'll go with Julia Louis-Dreyfus, knowing that she was a part of Saturday Night Live, and Seinfeld. A good counterpart to the dirty Silverman.

8/9. Does Chris Rock still have it?? Could he bring some of the magic back?? How about Martin Lawrence?? What about both?? I may regret both of these picks, but I'll take either of them at this point over Tracy Morgan, any Wayans brother, and the Goodburger dude.

10. I need another female, and after thinking about it for a bit, Amy Poehler gets the nod. She's solid enough in SNL, was in the Upright Citizens Brigade and Wonder Showzen, and has done some funny guest star stuff on Arrested Development and Mean Girls.

11. We're probably going to need someone to do a lot of impersonations, and for that purpose I guess Frank Caliendo would be the choice, although I'm not very knowledgeable about really good impersonators, so if anyone knows anyone better, suggestions are welcome.

12/13. A couple wildcards to round off the cast, Bill Murray and Vince Vaughn. Who knows if they would work out, but if they did it could be genius.

So there's your cast, take it for what it's worth. But even the strongest of casts may still blow without the right people writing for them. I'm sure the cast could and would probably write much of their own stuff, but for added help a top notch writing crew is needed. Here's who I would hire:

1. The Lonely Island boys, Andy, Akiva and Jorma. Already writing for SNL, an HBO show would really free them up and hilarity would ensue.

2. Trey Parker and Matt Stone. The possibilities are (almost, because the characters aren't animated) limitless with these two.

3. 3 or 4 writers from The Onion, for the news alone, but something tells me they could probably do anything else just as well.

4/5/6. Conan O' Brien, Larry David and Tina Fey, because they're proven, have worked with much of the cast and they're very funny people.

Wow. Some good writing talent there.

So there we go, it has all the making of the funniest show in the history of the world. Shot in Las Vegas with the best collection of comedic talent in the world, the buzz and hype around the show would be gigantic. How long do you think it would last? Even if everyone was paid very handsomely and the show did very well, won awards, etc., how long until the egos take over and the cast starts to bicker, do drugs, get arrested or leave?? I'd give it around 12 to 15 episodes.

Oh well, it was good while it lasted.