Stop, collaborate and listen

How cool am I? I hang with Vanilla Ice! Deal with it.

'Bigger than Hogzilla'



Holy shit. That's a big hog.

Taken with that .50 caliber revolver the kid is holding.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=3213852

I was listening to the radio the other day at work and one of my favorite lines ever came through the speaker and tickled the erogenous zone in my ear:

“Hey, this is Chad from Nickelback and you’re listening to ….”

You can insert any station in there, it doesn’t matter what their format is, because Nickelback transcends musical classification/formats.

I started thinking about Chad, his sweet perm thing, and Nickelback’s music. It’s shitty music. Almost everyone I know believes this to be true. Why then, have they sold 12.5 million albums in the US alone? Does anyone reading this know anyone who has bought any of their albums? I don’t think I do.

Anyway, while looking up how many records they’ve sold, I came across the lists of all-time record sales, and I found it interesting.

For instance, the #1 album in US sales of all time is…. The Eagles (Greatest Hits 1971-1975). These dudes sold 29 million albums of their best songs written in a 4 year period. 29,000,000, incidentally, happens to be the population of Iraq (28,993,000). They are followed by Michael Jackson (Thriller), Led Zeppelin (Led Zeppelin IV), Pink Floyd (The Wall), and AC/DC (Back in Black). Only 2 of the top five bands/artists are actually American.

The Eagles actually have the #15 album as well, with Hotel California. Hotel California sold 16 million albums, the same amount as Elton John’s greatest hits, Physical Graffiti by Led Zeppelin, No Fences by Garth Brooks, Alanis Morrissette’s Jagged Little Pill and the Hootie and the Fucking Blowfish opus, Cracked Rear-View. Hootie may have been my biggest WTF moment, but others soon followed, like the Backstreet Boys with 14 million sold (Backstreet Boys), then another 13 million with Millennium, which tied with Britney Spears and …Baby One More Time. Speakerboxx/The Love Below, possibly their worst album, sold 11 million copies. For how big of a celebrity Madonna is, I would have thought she would have sold more than 10 million of a single album of hers, but she never did. Two of her albums hit 10 million, the same total as Linkin Park and the Lion King soundtrack.

As far as cumulative albums sales go though, Madonna ranks #13 with 63 million albums sold, the Beatles rank first with 169 million. The top five, in fact, is the Beatles, Elvis Presley, Garth Brooks, Led Zeppelin and The Eagles. Garth Brooks is the only one that I and most of you can say that we lived in the period in which he/they performed. Mariah Carey is 16^th, one spot ahead of Michael fucking Jackson. Mariah Carey has sold 61.5 million records in the US. Does anyone reading this currently own a Mariah Carey album? Did you know Sade has sold more albums (22.5 million) in the US than Greenday (22 million), Credence Clearwater Revival (22 million), Jimi Hendrix (22 million) or Genesis (21.5 million)? That sounds like the work of the Brain Fucklers.

So what to make out of all of this?

I really can’t say, but Nickelback’s selling 12.5 million albums kind of took a back seat when I saw some of the other batshit that sold more. DMX (14 million)? The Offspring (14.5)? Madness. The buying habits of the American music listeners is(are?) something I'll probably never understand, especially when it comes to entertainment. The fact that Snoop Dogg has only sold 12 million albums, 500,000 less than Nickelback and 4 million less than Limp Bizkit tells me that.

Sweet ass sexiness.

Ahhh Friday. How we doing? Do you need that last little push to get you to the weekend? It's time for linkage!

Apparently 150 members of the media have died in Iraq. I realize you can't say "we'll fight over here and you journalists can safely document over there" but still. 2008 can't come fast enough. What a shit bucket, this mess.

Not sure why I jumped out with some half-assed political commentary. We need some funny, how about this? I am seriously thinking about changing my ringtone.

Speaking of ringtones, Brad Neely keeps "bringing the gold". At some point I would imagine the well would dry up on the ridiculously funny, but not yet. It has been interesting to hear who likes this stuff, who loves it, and who could do without. It's like a humor-friend barometer. I am not saying your wrong if you don't like it, or any less of a friend, I am just saying I might require a three page essay explaining why you don't like it. Site your sources, brah.

Speaking of insipid, irrational, self absorbed demands. Check this out. I've attempted to blog a forwarded message here so bear with me. First check out the document that was attached. Now click here for the email string. It starts at the bottom right with the bride sending out the a "bridesmaid contract". I cut it down so you don't have to scroll through the winding path that got it to me and focus on Mike's hilarious comments.

(sorry about those images, i can't get them to not suck right now, i was able to read them when my browser is maximized)

Speaking of hil.. oh forget that. That is annoying. Apparently Bob Odenkirk is working on a new show for superdeluxe.com. The first episode is the video in the middle on the top. The cut the crap promo is also worth your time.

Here some more stuff I found through gorilla mask that is worth a look:

High Times Editiorial Office

Caveman series for ABC (from Geico ads)

I havn't even watched this but I found it looking for something else that has Adam Mckay and Will Ferrell.

This is the 3rd fucking time I had to retype this link. Blogger is acting crazy.

Here is the Will Ferrell thing I was looking for.
and some Pearl out takes for good measure.

Still have atime? Here is the prank war at college humor. If you start with #1 they pretty much explain everything in the videos. Warning: If you watch all five of these videos you may find yourself 40 minutes in the future with no work accomplished.

Speaking of no work accomplished...

(You can click on it if you can't read the text)

Major props...

...to whoever can find online video of Cuddyer's somersault the other night. You will forever be in my good graces.

Legends Shooting:

The story goes as follows....

A couple of kids (late teens, early 20's) were riding their bikes back and forth in front of Legends repeatedly during the afternoon. A regular customer took note of the behavior - and when they entered the bar and proceeded to the restroom - he told the bartender (Chantal) of the suspicious behavior. She asked him to go in to see if they were doing drugs. As he entered the bathroom - he saw in the reflection off the mirror that they were pulling on masks - so he came out and told Chantal they were about to get robbed and to call 911.

A plain clothed, on duty officer was eating at a table about 15-20 feet away from the mens room door. Upon hearing the report from the regular - he pulled out his piece and assumed a ready position. The would be robbers exited the restroom and shouted "give it up". At this point things turned ugly for the robbers.

The officer shouted for them to drop their weapons. They turned (probably surprised as hell) to point their weapons at the officer - who promptly squeezed one off that shattered the gun out of one of the robbers hands. For good measure - the cop squeezed off one more into and out of the same robbers face.

At this point - both suspects ran - one bleeding all over the bar, parking lot, and Jeremy's car. The rode their bikes to their get away car behind Legends near Delmonicos deli on Fillmore and Summer. They drove home and reported an attempted robbery and shooting at their apartment - but when he was taken to the hospital he was identified as the suspect from the Legends incident. The uninjured person is still at large - but apparently identified.

Police found a shotgun stashed on the train tracks behind Legends as well. Probably not how these two had planned things.....